
Maged Zaher by Youssef Rakha, Oldish Cafe, 12 August 2021
*
To Youssef Rakha
Revolution is a brand
Come again in proper clothes
And say that you love me
Do this before I die
.
*
My body is good for figure drawing
It is dark enough
And it has unusual curves
I’ve never used the word “adhesion” in my poems
I am tired
I am actually dead
But having dinner
I don’t exist here
I arrived earlier
To have coffee
And read literature
Early on
I loved everyone
I also
Hated myself
The good part
Is that all of us will perish
I love each of you
I am sad we will die
I am also happy
The injustices
We allow
As a group
Are punishable
Only
By death
I love poems
And lots of poets
I also love
The intersection
Between engineering
And mathematics
But I know
All our achievements
All that we love
Is void
As the poor go hungry
And raped
I don’t want to die
I don’t want you to either
But I am happy we will
I am happy each one of us will
.
*
The ones who doubt that this world is made by God
Are close to my heart
Mythologies are a matter of birthplace
At times I woke up breathless in the middle of the night
And I panicked as death felt near
But when depression hit me for several months
I hoped badly for death
And as I was browsing for a way to leave
Other than slipping into the cold Nile
I felt hungry
And ordered food
Seneca was cool with dying
But I am not a Stoic
So far I like kabob more than death
Or oysters
Yes, I would die for oysters
But this metaphor never came true
Metaphors never come true
I died for oysters a lot
And I never even had food poisoning
To die luxuriously
You need to go to the Netherland
They will feed you pink juice
And you will be out in an hour
But you have to bring your own oysters
I dream that after I die
My soul will turn into mathematical fractals
The angels will draw me
In black and white
On some surface out there
So my loved ones can see me
And I them
Also the ones who hated me
Because I was a better engineer
And they will forgive me
The sense of superiority I had
When talking with them
I will forgive my mom and dad for bringing me
To the awful place we are in now
And they will forgive me the burden I caused them
And immigrating to another land
So I can further my knowledge
I will forgive me grandma
Scaring me of monsters
And tell her
The monsters I met in life
Were scarier than yours ya teta
I will give Plekhanov a hug
And ask the bookstore I went to in my childhood forgiveness
For stealing Plekhanov selected works from them
I will bend on my knees
To ask the last dozen of oysters I ate
Their love
Forgiveness is mathematically an addition
To a negative quantity
Until the result
Is zero
Perfect
Stability
Of all
Beings
.
*
One day we will understand ourselves in mathematical terms
And maybe all the pain we encountered is but a manifestation of love
I am thinking of God
I am
I won’t feel bad if death erased me
It will be nice to sleep longer
But maybe my friend who killed himself awaits me
Before my leaving to Atlanta we sipped coffee
And he gave me a cool book
Morgan taught me to eat oysters
To bite it a little bit then swallow
He would take me to expensive restaurants
Or exquisite bars
Where they serve cocktails and put rose petals on them
Or some stuff like that
I was trying to save then
By going to teriyaki shops and Thai restaurants
Seattle was full of both
When it was time to go out
I wouldn’t dare mention teriyaki to him
Morgan went from one software company to the next
They abused him
Because he was very good
And couldn’t deal with mediocrity
Our experiences were similar
In his last gig
He couldn’t take it
And took his own life
I am still here
But I want to leave
So we can compare notes
While sipping nice cocktails
In some bar out there
That is fucking expensive
.
*
We prayed so God would leave us alone
I wasn’t sure why I was angry
I sat in my favorite coffeeshop
Waiting for my meds to kick in
Today I bought Penrose’s astronomy book
The math is too beautiful to be comprehended
I also got a book with all of Schiele’s drawings
Humanity can do cool things
I was Jesus for a moment
And I planned a reincarnation scheme
Plato was there
And an Arab poet named Imru Al Qais
I think Rosa Luxembourg too
And boom, I was myself again
Eating applesauce and peanut butter
Telling everyone I am vegan
With a shawerma sandwich in my hand